Since I injured my paw, I have had a lot of time to think about a lot of random things. One of the more interesting things that I have noticed about myself lately is that when it comes to my brother Gomar, I am sometimes green with envy... literally! Unfortunately, I have discovered that I suffer from an extreme case of TES (Tail Envy Syndrome).
My stuffed brother Gomar, who happens to be a green gator, has this ridiculously long and flexible tail that is pretty fantastic. He uses it for a variety of things, including picking up objects far away, swatting Blue Bear when he is giggling and dancing all around, or helping to pull Seal's head out of whatever object he has most recently gotten it stuck in. Gomar's tail is pretty amazing, and it got me wishing that I had one too.
I decided to learn more about his tail and how it works, so I turned to the human's favorite pastime, and Google'd it. Luckily, Gomar was not around when I did so, because he would have absolutely been horrified by what came up. The first nine search results were all for Alligator tail meat, and the tenth one on the first page was about a man who got arrested for cutting off a 50 inch gator tail with a knife! Terrifying to say the least!
Moving on, I next searched Wikipedia, where I discovered some interesting things about alligator tails. The tails, which normally make up half of an alligator's total length, are mainly used for propulsion in the water. This made me even more envious, because although the doggy-paddle is an effective means of transportation, there is something about the thought of swishing my tail through the water and moving fast that really thrills this pup. Reading further, I also learned that the gator tail can be used for defense. Again, I found myself having doggy dreams of wielding my tail on the streets of New York City, fending off pup-nappers and those who would try to steal bones, chew-toys, and pupperoni.
Gomar is lucky to have such a cool tail and I certainly think that it is a nifty thing, but then again if I search "dog tails" on Google, no recipes come up on the front page, so maybe I ought to be thankful for the cuttle little tail that I do have. After all, what could be cuter than a stuffed dog wagging his tail as he eagerly seeks his next pat or treat?
Podar,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, one should always be careful of what they google. Why just the other day I had to learn that the hard way. I was googling "how to use a gator tail on your boyfriend" and was truly embarassed when said boyfriend walked in. Googling however, is one of the facts of life and it's important to learn to use it wisely instead of rejecting it completely. You know what they say: "Better to have googled and been embarassed than never to have googled at all."
Second, and this is the issue I'm really writing about, you seem to be very confused about your brother Gomar. In many places in your blog you call him an alligator but if he could talk I'm sure he would clarify that he is, in fact, a crocodile and NOT an alligator! To you and other laymen that distinction may appear to be a "croc" of you know what but you should be aware that confusing crocodiles and alligators can have severe consequences. For example: we have all heard that you should "never smile at a crocodile" but if you were to give this sort of unfriendly treatment to an alligator he would be most offended and no doubt shed some crocodile tears over it. This brings me to my next point: You describe Gomar as a very angry and feisty little fellow. Has it ever occurred to you that his anger is directed at the fact that everyone has been treating him like an alligator? I'm sure the combination of people smiling at him, being whirled around by his tail, and being greated with phrases like "later gator" would make any cold blooded croc furious! Even worse, poor Gomar has obviously never recieved desperately needed orthodontic care to correct his teeth. Perhaps if his teeth weren't always gnashing into each other when he tried to speak he could made basic requests for bluebear to stop riding him or for others to stop using him as a pillow! Most importantly, he could finally tell you his true identity! I suggest that you put aside your envy, embrace that FANTASTIC paper tail, and give a little TLC (Tender Loving CrocodileCare) to your little brother Gomar. Watch the teeth though,
Dr.Beepersaurus Rex.