Hurricane Irene: ARF!

Hi everyone!  Hurricane Irene is bringing the wind and rain to New York City, and this puppy is ready for it.  I have plenty of delicious canned food, and enough water to last me for days, so I am all set if this things hits.

New York City has different zones of evacuation for such a thing, and this puppy lives in Zone B.  This turns out to be a pretty good thing, as Zone A already had to move in case of flooding.  I think I should be okay because the hurricane is looking like it will not be as bad as people had expected.  Right now, it is spinning Category 1 style, and I won't have to abandon my apartment unless it somehow picks back up into a Category 2 storm.

Be safe out there, and make sure that have plenty of food, water, batteries, and a flashlight.  Charge your cellphones, and make sure that you have a radio in case you need to listen to any weather reports.  Hopefully, this all passes without causing any damage or harm, and with any luck, Hurricane Irene will soon be a memory.  Take care. ARF!

Life Is No Day At the Beach... At the Beach

The idea of the beach is exciting.  All of the pretty people, the ocean, the sound of the waves, and hunting for seashells all sounds wonderful... until you are actually at the beach.  I don't know how it is for humans, but for a stuffed dog, the beach is not the place to be on a summer day.

For starters, there is sand everywhere.  Not only does it get all over your fur, but it also burns your paws!  That sand gets really hot!  I found myself leaping from towel to towel in an effort to stay cool, inadvertently bonking people on the head with my shiny new sand bucket and shovel.  Also, the sand gets in my eyes pretty easily since I am so close to the ground, so I spent half of my time there blinking and rubbing at my eyes to try to get them clean.  I am not even going to get on the subject of so-called "sand fleas", but I will tell you that they are annoying.

Another annoying thing about being a stuffed dog is the existence of the ocean itself.  I mean, sure it looks pretty, but a stuffed animal is not exactly meant to explore the sea.  I put one paw in the water and suddenly it is so heavy that I can barely lift it.  You heard it here first folks!  Stuffed animals, magically wished alive, are extremely susceptible to water absorption.  Keep us dry and out of the water!

Probably the worst part of my day was attempting to tell people that Gomar was not going to bite them.  Everyone was freaking out when he came walking across the sand, and it didn't help that Blue Bear was maniacally laughing and somersaulting all the way down the beach.

Probably the only one of us who enjoyed the day was Seal, who loves being near the water, but even he got to be a bit irritating because he kept telling us to watch out for walruses the entire afternoon.  Humans may love the beach, but give me a nice day inside on a bed any day.  This puppy prefers the creature comforts of home!

Whiteout Party at Pranna

I am officially a NYC party animal now!  I went to my first ever "whiteout party" last night, held at Pranna which is located on New York City's famous Madison Square Avenue.  Since I do not typically wear many clothes, I was a bit concerned about my outfit for the party, but was able to find a cool white paw glove (not pictured), a great hat, and some white gold to give this puppy some bling.

The party was pretty great, and the place was packed.  I had to be careful about getting stepped on, dodge a few drinks, and watch out for high heels, but my tail was wagging all night long.  When I woke up this morning, my paws were sore from all of the dancing I did.  I drank plenty of water, so despite the crowd I was able to stay pretty chill.  One advantage I had over everyone else last night is that I don't sweat like humans, so I didn't have to worry about soaking my clothes through no matter how much I danced.

All in all it was a great night, and this party animal looks forward to his next big soiree.

Furry Animals Love Football

It may surprise you to learn that I absolutely love football.  I think it is my favorite sport!  Ever since I came to life, I have had this obsession with watching football.  I love college football, I love NFL football, I love arena football... I even love lingerie football (ARF!).

Since I am living in New York City, I am a big fan of both the Giants and the Jets, although if I had to choose one over the other I have to lean towards the Jets.  It would be a close call though.  I also like the Atlanta Falcons, and recently cannot seem to stop wagging my tail when Tim Tebow is on the screen for the Denver Broncos.  There is something about that guy that inspires you to root for him, even if you aren't a big fan of his alma mater (although I personally am not a University of Florida fan, Gomar wishes me to let everyone know that he is a huge Gators fan - not surprising, right?).  I am not a big fan of the Oakland Raiders, mainly because their dreaded "Dog Pound" scares me to no end.

In terms of college football, I put my paws in the air and cheer for the University of Georgia (go Dawgs!), and I also like the Virginia Tech Hokies.  Although, to be fair, when I first started cheering for them I thought they were called the hoagies, and I really like sandwiches.

Myself and a few other stuffed animals have been thinking about starting a Fur Fantasy Football League.  Originally, we were going to put a flag football team together, but we cannot seem to find flags that fit all of us.  In addition, Gomar keeps trying to bite other stuffed animals instead of taking their flags.  I guess this makes sense because he has little arms, and grabbing flags is much harder than snapping jaws.  If we do start a Fur Fantasy Football League, we will have to figure out where to hold our meetings.  We are a bit ostracized in the real world, as a bunch of stuffed animals sitting around a table barking, oinking, growling, and other normal sounds sometimes bothers people.  I'll keep you posted on this as time moves on.

That is it for today!  Take care until next time!

Keeping Cool

Another hot day in New York City for this pooch!  I cannot stand how warm it has been, so I have been trying to think of new ways to stay cool.  My best idea so far - hiding in the freezer!  It stays nice and cold in there, and also gives me the privacy that is hard to find in this crowded city.

Of course, getting in the freezer isn't the easiest thing in the world.  That thing is high up, and I'm sure my "dad" wouldn't really like my resting my head on his frozen peas.  However, when you have a long-tailed brother like Gomar, anything is possible.

It took some doing, and a little bit of acrobatic daring, but at long last we were able to get high enough to get to the freezer and get the door open.  My intent was to rest in there for a bit all by myself, since Gomar hates the cold.  However, I discovered a hidden treat that led to my first puppy tummy ache.

Ben & Jerry's Fro Yo!  Chocolate Fudge Brownie, you are my dognip!  (Please note: Normal dogs should not eat chocolate - magically alive stuffed dogs are an exception).  This stuff is absolutely delicious, and I ate the whole thing in one sitting.

I'm too sleepy to blog anymore, but if you are hot on a summer day, you should try some delicious Ben & Jerry's yourself!

Hot Dog, Hot Dogs, and Blame

The dog days of summer may be behind us, and the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest may be long done, but this puppy thinks that there is no wrong time for a delicious treat.  I love mine with ketchup and cheese, and intended to take this picture with two hot dogs.  However, my brother Gomar loves hot dogs too, and managed to snag one off my plate before I had a chance to take the picture.

All of that aside, I love the delicious taste of this treat, but I find myself somewhat disturbed that I am eating something with "dog" in its name.  It seems somewhat cannibalistic and disturbs me to think about  the name for very long.  Why don't they call it "hot cat", or even "hot pig", as either one of those terms sounds more delicious, and is also more accurate.

T.A. Dorgan is to blame of course.  His cartoons of German sausages led him to coin the term "hot dog", and the name has stuck ever since.  In a lot of ways it is interesting to think about, because the site of the world famous Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, New York's own Coney Island, originally banned the term back in the day because it suggested that the tasty treats contained dog meat (shiver).  Now, the name is celebrated worldwide, and the ban is long gone.

Like a dog chasing its tail, Coney Island's attempt to ban the name unfortunately failed and led nowhere, but I encourage everyone to rethink this disgusting practice.  In the name of dogs everywhere, let's change this name to something more appropriate, in order that all K-9's can eat in peace.

Can A Stuffed Dog Be A Senator?

Today's thought comes after watching the news about the debt crisis.  All of the politicians argue and argue about how to do something, finally reach some kind of agreement, and then still fail to realize their goal - after all of the jumping through hoops, S&P still lowered the U.S. rating.

It got me thinking quite a bit, and I find myself dreaming big dreams of being a United States Senator.  I can picture myself now, appearing on CNN, arguing for a bone in every bowl.  I would get howls of approval, shaking paws, licking puppy noses, and I think I would do an excellent job as the first stuffed dog senator.

I did some research also.  Apparently, there is nothing that says a dog cannot be a senator.  Also, I'm pretty sure I would only have to be five years old, because dog years equal out to seven times the age of a human.  Since a human has to be thirty-five, then a dog should only have to be five.  Yes, I know, I am indeed a genius.  Plus, since I was born in the United States, there would be no worries on the citizenship front.

I'm going to keep this post short and sweet world.  You heard it here first: Podar for the United States Senate.

Thirsty Dogs and Toilets: Not this puppy!

If you watch enough television or movies, you've likely seen a dog drinking from the toilet.  These disgusting canines are portrayed as being unconcerned with hygiene or worry about whether or not their drinking water is clean, but this stuffed dog has news for you.

Not all dogs will drink from a toilet.  In fact, some of those find the entire practice disgusting, and cannot understand how our brethren can partake in such a gross practice.  I mean, if you take the time to really think about what you are drinking out of, then you cannot possibly continue to stick your tongue into that filthy bowl.  Sadly, some dogs just do not know better because they were never taught any different.  This has got to change!

As a stuffed dog, I feel that it is important to stop this practice.  Humans of the world, hear my words!  CLOSE the toilet bowl!  You would not like if man's best friend pooped in your favorite beverage glass, so please do not do the same to us.  Teach your puppy to drink from his own bowl, and you do yourself a favor too.

After all, remember those wet kisses that you all love so much?  Where do you want that mouth to have gone before?  Protect us, protect yourself, and close that lid!  Also, for all of those other stuffed animals thinking about trying the process - it takes a long time time to dry if you fall in.  Just a warning.

A Tale of Two... Tails?

Since I injured my paw, I have had a lot of time to think about a lot of random things.  One of the more interesting things that I have noticed about myself lately is that when it comes to my brother Gomar, I am sometimes green with envy... literally!  Unfortunately, I have discovered that I suffer from an extreme case of TES (Tail Envy Syndrome).

My stuffed brother Gomar, who happens to be a green gator, has this ridiculously long and flexible tail that is pretty fantastic.  He uses it for a variety of things, including picking up objects far away, swatting Blue Bear when he is giggling and dancing all around, or helping to pull Seal's head out of whatever object he has most recently gotten it stuck in.  Gomar's tail is pretty amazing, and it got me wishing that I had one too.

I decided to learn more about his tail and how it works, so I turned to the human's favorite pastime, and Google'd it.  Luckily, Gomar was not around when I did so, because he would have absolutely been horrified by what came up.  The first nine search results were all for Alligator tail meat, and the tenth one on the first page was about a man who got arrested for cutting off a 50 inch gator tail with a knife!  Terrifying to say the least!

Moving on, I next searched Wikipedia, where I discovered some interesting things about alligator tails.  The tails, which normally make up half of an alligator's total length, are mainly used for propulsion in the water.  This made me even more envious, because although the doggy-paddle is an effective means of transportation, there is something about the thought of swishing my tail through the water and moving fast that really thrills this pup.  Reading further, I also learned that the gator tail can be used for defense.  Again, I found myself having doggy dreams of wielding my tail on the streets of New York City, fending off pup-nappers and those who would try to steal bones, chew-toys, and pupperoni.

Gomar is lucky to have such a cool tail and I certainly think that it is a nifty thing, but then again if I search "dog tails" on Google, no recipes come up on the front page, so maybe I ought to be thankful for the cuttle little tail that I do have.  After all, what could be cuter than a stuffed dog wagging his tail as he eagerly seeks his next pat or treat?