Sadness and Loss

A sad arf to you today.  It is a tough day to be a stuffed animal because my dad and his girlfriend (the lady I called mom) are officially broken up.  It has been hard on the whole family, although Seal and Blue Bear do not seem to understand very much of it, and Gomar just slithers around wanting to bite someone.

My dad who wished me to life isn't a young man, and although this might surprise some of my readers, he is actually in his mid 30's.  He is a kid at heart though, so he tends to still act like a child in many ways - he read comics, watches cartoons, and lives with four stuffed animals - clearly a sign of someone who is still a child in his heart.  I think his age makes it especially hard for him to deal with a break-up like this - I think when you get older, you tend to see yourself as having less options in the human world, and thus when you spend a few years with someone, losing them can be very, very tough.  It is pretty hard for me to understand, but I do know that I try to lick all of the tears off of his face as much as I can.  Fur is very absorbent and good for these types of situations.

My dad actually received me (way back when I was an inanimate object/stuffed dog) from the girl who is now his ex, so I think it is especially hard for him to have all of us around.  I mean, we were a family, and even though he is the one who wished us to life, we all played together and had fun together, and it is quite sad and strange to know that mom is not ever going to be around again (it's a pretty terrible break-up and they are finished for good).  He talked to us tonight about how conventional wisdom says to get rid of everything that your ex gave you, and he went through the room like Blue Bear on a sugar high, putting things in the trash and then throwing them all away in a huff.

However, when he got to us four kids, his wished-to-life stuffed animal family, he set us all down at the end of the bed and he sat on the floor and talked to us.  He let us know that it was going to be very hard for him to keep us all here, but that he would because he loved us, and he really needed us during all of this.  He also wanted us to know though he loved us, and it wasn't anything that we had or hadn't done that was making him sad, but rather the memories of his ex that we evoked.

It was very sad, and I worry about my dad.  He has a big heart and so much love, and I hate to see him so sad.

I am glad that he still believes in us though.  As you remember from my last post, magically alive creatures cannot survive without love and belief, and I really enjoy the world.  I am going to give him extra cuddles tonight and remind him how great he is and how much we all love him.

Our poor dad really loved his ex-girlfriend, and I worry about him a lot.  I am also pissed off to find out that after she came over here all of those times a few weeks ago and even took me home with her a couple of times, she already had a new boy in her life.  It makes me feel just as betrayed in some ways as dad does, and now I know that I will never again be sleeping in my mommy's bed again.

I guess I am pretty sad too.  I loved her also, and realizing that she is gone, no matter what she did or didn't do, still hurts this poor puppy's heart.  No matter how much they fought, or the silly arguments that they had, my favorite times were still cuddling with her and playing with her.  I'll miss twirling my paw in the air as I make idle threats, and I'll miss playing peek-a-boo and other fun games with her as well.

Ah, who is this puppy kidding.  My dad and I are both sad.  Seal is sad.  Blue Bear is sad.  Gomar is sad.  Everyone around here is sad because we lost a very special and very loved member of our family, and now she is gone forever.  Losing someone hurts, even if your heart is made of stuffing.

Imagination Needed

I feel very lethargic.  I am tired, and my stuffed animal body doesn't feel very good.  I am suffering the dreaded fate of many stuffed animals who have been wished to life... a lack of imagination.

Normally it happens to stuffed animals when a child grows older - all of the belief that the child had before they got lost in the trappings of the real world and started listening to everyone else about what can and cannot be - it all vanishes often with age and a child forgets that magic and wonder of the companion that their fervent wishes and beliefs brought to life.  When this fades away, a stuffed animal will often revert back to being an inanimate and inert object.

Now I do not want to panic you - we don't "die" or anything in the human sense - instead it is more of a hibernation mode that we enter into where our minds and bodies just sort of slow down and then we fall into a deep slumber - one that is not permanent and that can easily be thrown off with the right spark of love and imagination.

I have to say that I am a bit worried though - I never came to life for a child with a child's dreams and a child's imagination - instead I came to life because of the playful nature and love of two individuals, and as you may have guessed, those two individuals have now parted ways.  The magic that they created together is gone, and now I wonder if the one has enough left inside to sustain Gomar, Blue Bear, Seal, and myself.

I know this is not my normal happy post, but I suppose that even in the world of magic and fairy tales that there are dark moments - a poisoned apple, a big bad wolf, or some other such thing - and I only hope that we have a fairy tale ending here and that at the least, we will all be loved as much as we always were.  Tears and need keep us alive, but we truly need love and happiness to thrive.

If this is my last post for awhile, you will now know why.  The human heart suffers greatly, and when it does the door to imagination is often shut.